Gender reveal parties: scourge of the new millennium. The bigger they get, the dumber they get and, sometimes, the more dangerous they get.
But what happens when nothing happens at the gender reveal party? What happens when nobody’s aunt is sent to the hospital because somebody used too much dynamite, or too many fireworks burned down the neighborhood?
At least this time, down in Texas reportedly, something funny happens when an expectant father in a red Rangers jersey can’t connect on any of the underhand pitches being thrown by his pregnant partner. Any of them!
It’s a no-hitter!
• Eight pitched swings and misses
• One self swing and miss
• Five balls
• Two dogs
She gave him nine swings, like in a home-run derby, and he made nine outs. Something like this has happened before at a gender reveal party shown later on the internet. Just last year, in fact. This one seems worse. Honestly, the guy in the Rangers jersey, his form isn’t bad on some of these swings, it’s just abysmal timing. He was swinging at strikes while she was firing blanks. Better than him firing the blanks especially when we’re talking about making a baby. So it’s not the most emasculating thing in the world. Only close.
You know: She’s the one with child but maybe she also should be the one swinging the bat.
Texas Rangers Leaders
Strikeout Percentage (through Monday)
This Guy 1.000
Joey Gallo .385
Nick Solak .288
David Dahl .280
Nate Lowe .276
Isiah Kiner-Falefa .183